Timmer is an honorary American...Wooaahhh!!

Chris K, Chedder,Feta,Brie,Swiss??....You mean that you can actually get PROPER cheese that isn't orange in colour in the good ol'USA?

ROCCO! Thank God you're back! I was set to issue an APB!!!

Now...as to your "poltergeist" situation, you said:

"the oven keeps turning itself on"

This chills my blood, Roc.

In 1973, I lived in an apartment where a group of Satanists had stayed prior to my arrival. I was totally ignorant of that fact, and experienced numerous unreal, supernatural incidents, including disappearing items, violently loud screams in the night (from the 81 year old woman on the lower floor who claimed that she never made a sound!), and finally...the gas oven very nearly killed my roomate & I when it somehow turned on in the middle of the night. I awoke to see my roomate reaching for his cigarette lighter, simultaneously detecting the odor of gas in the air.
I FLEW across the room and stopped him from lighting that cigarette!
The two of us walked to the kitchen, BATHED in the odor of propane gas, and turned the oven OFF.

Poltergeist activity is NOT benign.

Rocco...it's out to kill you.
I know this.

I find Gargantuas very Herrmann-esque, which does in fact make it quite monotonous on album. But for the same reason, I never doubted that it works great as a film score. That march is great, too. Even though it gets repeated countless times, I can't stop whistling along.

I assumed that Mark got the disc from you; I think he or you once mentioned about you giving him some Ifukube CDs. What I've been wondering since I got the CD: What's that Japanese talking at the beginning of the first track?

NP: Works: I, Hisaishi

I have a water pistol loaded with a bleach/water mixture on hand for just this type of crisis! No direct touching of the little monsters in THIS house, no sirree.

(sound of chair tipping over)

Before I was married, I lived in a small house (3 rooms!) surrounded by wheat fields.
When I moved in, I noticed several living things scurrying into corners to escape my sight.
I knew that I was not alone.
At the time, I was reading Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast Of Champions. One night while I was reading, I had this eerie feeling that I was being watched. For no other reason, I peered over the floor of the house, and I saw the largest spider that my eyes have ever seen!
He was HUGE!
I was petrified!
I slowly reached to the floor and picked up one of my shoes. I leaped out of bed and slammed that spider with my shoe! I could feel AND hear the CRUNCH as he was flattened!

Heheheh...

Got 'im.

NEXT: THE MOUSE!!!

Seriously, guys, spiders frighten me somewhat, but I feel very guilty killing a creature whose only crime is having a misunderstood reputation. I always catch them and put them outside... of course I'm sure the scurry back inside as soon as they can, but I don't like to kill them.

But flies... flies are a different story... they are more dangerous than bees and spiders combined, and all they contribute to the world are diseases and more flies... flies I do not hesitate to swat and destroy.

That's another reason I don't like killing spiders: when it comes to the war against flies, spiders and humans are on the same side.

One time when I was in my basement, I was trying to enjoy George Fenton's lovely score to Ever After, but my enjoyment was being threatened severely by the constant hovering of a virus-infested fly whose unremitting buzzing about my head and eerie ability to evade my fly swatter were irritating me immensely. But then it flew into the window where a spider web was waiting... it got caught, and despite its struggle could not break free... and then the spider came and killed the fly, making sure that the little buzzer would annoy me no more.

Spiders (except the highly poisonous ones) are our friends... it is the disease-carrying flies that must be destroyed!!

James: I agree that flies are more dangerous than spiders, but I don't relish the idea of being bitten by a Black Widow, so they get squished.
As for the two-inchers... no spider has any buisness being that big unless there are golf-ball-sized flies around. Helpful or not, I'm not having those things crawling around it the house. Just imagine if one decided to crawl down your shirt while you were sleeping, or worse, imagine awaking to find a two-inch spider staring you in the face! Uh-uh, no way.

no spiders in the house that i´ve seen, i´d agree with the captain that there´s no reason to kill them just because of what they are. flies are indeed maddening though, never more so than the ones in west africa, you can hardly go outside without being swarmed. at the sight of a single palmetto bug, aka mammoth cockroach, last week, roomie worried we were doomed to an invasion, but they have not rematerialized. roomie has chosen to elevate his formerly floor'based mattress, however, which is amusingly squeamish behavior for a guy who´s fond of fondling arachnids. we have the occasional geckoe, but they´re fun, and if they weren´t wild, might make good playmates. our cat is such a cowardly beast that i doubt he could face down an ant, much less a goliath spider of the kind described above.

christopher, the oven in our place is electric, so it can´t kill us that way. so far the ghosts appear merely interested in asserting their presence.

although since i posted this message, the very following morning in fact, i was amazed to wake up and discover the front door not only unlocked, but slightly ajar. actually, as i was sitting down to read the paper, there was a small blast of wind that alerted me to this fact, it was not obviously open before that moment. roomie was not responsible for this, and neither was i. it wasn´t burglars, because they would´ve kyped my big fancy new computer now, wouldn´t they.

The benign and Most Godly Creature known as The Centipede is a harmless inhabitant of every home.
He loves to eat all of the insects that SPIDERS eat...AND HE LOVES TO EAT SPIDERS AS WELL!

(I recall hearing this somewhere, but I don't feel like looking it up at the moment.)

Bleaaaaaah!

We await the Prosecution's case.

Christopher, I love you as a brother, and I know you're quite in tune with the Spirit, but in this case I'm afraid you've simply got your signals crossed.

Spiders are our friends, Chris! They keep your house pest-free! They don't make much of a mess in strategic locations, and it's okay to keep them under control. But the fact is, you will never EVER be more than twelve feet from a spider! Never! Well ... perhaps in free-fall. And did you know that you INHALE or SWALLOW an average of three spiders per year?

Centipedes, on the other hand, of the rusty red variety, are a bane to humanity. You would do well to stop giving them succor! They kill the spiders that kill mosquitoes, flies, gnats and other harmful insects.

I'm sure if you'd just take the time you'd see that the spider is a beautiful, Godly arthropod who was designed for cobeneficial existence by our mutual creator.

Wedge
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}8{

I'm hoping the winter will kill them off for good, but it's not likely.

James

My beautiful, Godly WIFE can't stand the little suckers, and it's MY job to protect her!
Every time I see one, I tell it The Rule: "I see you again, you're DEAD!" Fair warning. I happen to know for a fact that many of the little critters have heeded that warning and headed for the cellar, far from my sight.

Should my future wife have a problem with spiders, I will be glad to transplant them to the outdoors, garage, and my private study.

As a conscionable fellow, don't you think it's about time you did what was best for Bonita AND God's arachnid pals, and helped her cure her debilitating neurosis?

For example:

1) Watch "Charlotte's Web." An animation classic (that really needs a soundtrack release, BTW!!!)

2) Let a spider crawl around your arm to show her how harmless and gentle they are.

3) Find a spider web and show her all the mummified mosquitoes that otherwise would have REALLY been sucking her blood!

You really do not understand women.

I can help you with that particular deficiency, just as soon as you are able to recognize it within yourself.

I have nearly 30 years of experience with this one exclusive woman. I have tried every one of your suggestions (well, I didn't buy a tarantula), and had exhausted all of them before we had been married for one year.

When you come to the end of yourself in any area of endeavor, you must finally ask: "What Is Essential?"

By asking that question, I realized that the PEACE OF MIND of my partner in life was essential. Insects shall DIE to preserve that peace!

PRIORITIES MUST RULE, Wedge!

NP: The Swarm

(Can't comment, haven't seen the film)

2) Let a spider crawl around your arm to show her how harmless and gentle they are.

Won't work. Might not do any harm to Bonita, though, as long as Chris keeps a certain distance.

3) Find a spider web and show her all the mummified mosquitoes that otherwise would have REALLY been sucking her blood!

Won't work. Might not do any harm to Bonita, unless the spider is at home.

4) Buy her a pet tarantula for Christmas! These funny, furry friends love to eat crickets and other garden pests! An affordable pet that's chock full of personality! Easy to handle! Easy to love!

Won't work. Might kill her.

I'll start:

My loving brother Daniel once took great care in wrapping a petrified dog turd in order to present it to me for Christmas (1990). Used a ton of tape & a coffee can.

All I can say is: wow.

“A Thought for Christmas:

Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise Women
instead of Three Wise Men?

They would have ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS,
arrived on time,
helped deliver the Baby,
cleaned the stable,
made a casserole,
brought practical gifts and
there would be Peace on Earth.”

My addition....or lots of cat fights.

Wouldn't you know... it was a slammer.
I was pulling that stuff out of my hair for the rest of the day.