does anyone else here think that the XFL broadcasts sucked ass?

sorry to be so crass, but that is my professional opinion.

I would personally like to thank all the treehuggers out in California and Oregon.

No, really.

because the Spotted Owl and such has a nice place to live and eat insects all day, the people of California and now the nation are feeling the financial crunch.

why?

cuz no one can heat their damn house.

why?

because there is not enough power

why?

because a few animals might die with the construction of power plants. Rather than allow plants to be built in accordance with population growth, no one has any power.

I'm all for the environment and all that, too, but not at the expanse of humanity. If a squirrel needs to die so be it.
Natural selection at it's finest.

Without Poe's influence, we may not have had the best of American horror. But I must say that his works don't represent the best of American horror near as well as the Poe-influenced H.P. Lovecraft, who I think WROTE the best of American horror with a scope much wider than Poe.

But as it is now...

and this is the point I'm trying to make...

H.P. Lovecraft had more balls than Poe, and Americans rule.

(Which is why I said 'American' a lot in this post.)

NP: Zimmer's "The Thin Red Line"

quote:

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Originally posted by Al:
H.P. Lovecraft had more balls than Poe

---

I pity the one of them who didn't have two.

Today's Guest Student: Howard L

Hello. Welcome to The Complete and Utter Idiot's Guide to Making a Baloney and Cheese Sandwich. Ready for Lunch? Good! Let's begin!

We're going to start our journey by assuming that you already possess each of the individual items you'll be needing to make this sandwich. It's a bit of a stretch, I know, but Lord knows we don't have time to
take you shopping.

So, that said, the first thing you're gonna need is a place to make your sandwich. My suggestion would be a plate. So reach into your cupboard and grab a plate. Any will do. No, that's a bowl. Plates are flat. Right, yes, that's flat, but it's a cutting board. Plates are going to be round. Yes the bowl is round, but it's not flat, is it? Just... forget it. Grab that cutting board you had in your hands.

Perfect. Put it down.

On the counter, not the floor.

Much better. All right, you're ready to start. You need bread.

Personally, I prefer either wheat or sourdough, but you might prefer white, rye, pumpernickel, a French roll... You're just staring at me. What do you mean you don't have any bread like that? Like what? What
kind of bread do you have?

Wonder. Fine, it's pre-sliced.

Take out two slices of Wonder Bread. Two. More than one, less than three. That's three. Put one back. Perfect. Place your two slices of Wonder Bread on your cutting board. See how easy this is?

OK, you need some sandwich ingredients. Open your refrigerator.

Your refrigerator. Big thing in your kitchen. Stores food. Yes, and beer, too. That's the one.

Take out the cheese, the baloney, the mayo... you're giving me that look again. Let's stop there. Cheese, baloney and mayo. Mayonnaise. It's a sandwich spread. White. No, that's Miracle Whip. Yes, it's a white sandwich spread but... fine. Miracle Whip will do. Put it on the counter next to the bread.

OK. Now we...where's the cheese and baloney? Didn't I just say...argh! Go back to the refrigerator and.. No, leave the Miracle Whip
where it is, just go back to the fridge and open it. Good. Grab the cheese. Any kind will do. Oh, just pick one! No, that's brie. It doesn't go well with baloney.

What in the world are *you* doing with brie?

How about cheddar, do you have cheddar? It's probably orange. Yes! That's cheddar! Bring it to the counter next to cutting board. Now go back to the fridge. I'm sorry, are you getting dizzy? It can happen; get used to it. Open the fridge again. You're looking for baloney. God willing, it'll be pre-sliced. Baloney. It's meat. You're looking for a package filled with slices of meat.

That's bacon.

Yes! That's the baloney! Very good! Now bring that over to the food. No, we're done with the fridge, you'll just throw out whatever you don't use. I can't bear to go through the fridge disaster again.

OK, now you're ready to start making a baloney and cheese sandwich. Open the Miracle Whip. Open it. Twist the lid off of the jar. What do you mean it won't come off? Twist the other direction. There ya go! Now you need a knife.

Oh, give me a break!

You don't need a sharp knife, you just need a spreading knife. Dull. Very dull. You should know dull. The duller the better. No! Not that! Put that down before you kill someone! Try to find a knife without a wooden handle. No, that has a wooden handle, doesn't it? That probably means it's sharp.
Don't test it to see! Just put it down! Find a dull, regular, boring knife!

OK. Perfect. That's a nice simple spreading knife. Dip it into the Miracle Whip. Now lift it out of the Miracle Whip and spread it on the slices of bread. Carefully. Not too hard, or you'll tear the bread. Harder than that. The knife has to at least touch the bread to leave the spread on the bread.

There ya go. Now do the other slice of bread. Perfect! You're a regular Julia Child now!

No, not Roberts, Child.

She's a famous cook... Never mind.

OK, Now you are going to place a slice of baloney on one piece of bread. Open the package. No, this package doesn't screw open. Just pull the back end away from the rest of the package. See how it's opening up? Excellent. Take out a slice of baloney. Place it on one of the slices of bread. No, you don't need the knife for this.

Good! You're almost there! Now it's time to cut the cheese.

Woof! No, I didn't mean...WHEW! That was a ripe one too! What did you have for breakfast anyway?

Stop giggling.

The cheese is unopened? OK, don't panic. Take the dull knife... the other end, grab the other end of the knife! Slice the package of cheese open. Just jam it in there and.. Don't worry about hurting the cheese! Just slice the stupid thing open!

Very good; you're getting to be really good with the knife, Lord help us all.

Now take the block of cheese out and lay it on the counter. Just lay it on the counter. Who cares if it's dirty! Like you're gonna be
living long at this rate anyway! OK. Again with the knife, cut yourself a few slices of cheese. Thinner than that--you want more than
two slices out of your block. Thinner. Thinner. Thinner! Just...measure with your pinky! Your pinky should be at least two slices thick. What are you... DON'T SLICE YOUR PINKY!!!

You know what? Forget it! Throw the cheese away. Throw it away! You're just having a baloney sandwich today. I can't deal with this. Don't look at me like that, throw the cheese in the garbage!

Now pick up one slice of bread and put it down on the other. Miracle Whip-side down. Well turn it over; you can't eat a sandwich with the Miracle Whip side facing out!

Because I said so!!!

OK. Pick up the sandwich.

Congratulations! You've made a Baloney Sandwich!

Woof.

by the way, PeterK went to Roswell.

The aliens tell me that he...er, well, I've said too much already...

quote:

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WHAT DID THEY TELL YOU THAT THEY DIDN'T TELL ME?????

---

you'd be surprised.

Where do people get these ideas? Maybe Markus D can come over here and 'splain hisself, unless you guys have some answers.

If I am the real "El Muhammed" (another name bestowed upon me recently), do you guys like the beatings I give you??

Or could this be Shaun Rutherford in disguise, getting revenge for his banishment here?

Clinton/Gore get illegal campaign contributions from Riady group,

Clinton/Gore get contributions from enviromentalists,

Democratic controlled California forces utilities to switch to clean coal,

Clinton/Gore get more contributions from enviromentalists,

Clinton does Utah land grab federalizing the only U.S. source of clean coal,

More contributions to our favorites,

Riady group controlled company now only source of clean coal. Shockingly, they raise prices,

Prohibited by California democrats from raising prices to cover increased cost, utilities lose money on power sales,

Leading to the current situation.

And if you are sick of politics, try the random recipe generator located at www.dougb.com/rrg/

NP: [b]Ride With the--[/b

This odd piece has been moved to "? for Peter K, page 52, because Observer wants to avoid cross-posting.

Did the Surviving Moles live on Temptation Island?

momentum?

I'm confused by the current topic.

quote:

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Originally posted by PeterK:
I don't know which official off-topic thread to post this on, but apparently I am viewed as some superstar who loves to berate his message board regulars. Here's a discussion that was pointed to me via email:
http://www.filmtracks.com/scoreboard/main.cgi?read=19423

---

I believe I was the last one to post to the original thread. After my last post, suddenly all that was left were 25 pages, and they were all mixed with old and newer messages. And the last 3 posts were empty and created at a weird date by an unregistered poster. I tried to post a farewell message, but after clicking "Submit", I only got a blank page. In fact, I couldn't even access the contents page of the board - I was afraid we had managed to crash the whole thing.